Moving Forward
In April of 2010, my husband and I decided to have my neck looked at more closely due to the constant and worsening neurological issues, specifically sleep disturbance and insomnia. Our first visit to the Upper Cervical Specialist was an eye opening one for sure. X-rays showed that my first cervical was shoved up against my spinal cord and brain. It was beginning to fuse to my spinal cord and the cerebral spinal fluid was leaking into my brain. While this is not a good diagnosis, it did explain why I had constant pressure in my head and when I was exposed to specific environmental toxins, the pressure increased…like a pressure cooker. This had been going on since 1991, but worsening since 2006.
Doctor A.T. Wood, my Upper Cervical Specialist feels that over the next couple of years we will be able to train that cervical to stay where it is supposed to, eliminating the need for any further treatment. But the catch is, only he can correct my neck. This was a hard reality for me to face, since my husband had been correcting my neck sometimes 3 times a day just so I could function for quite some time…..years. So, giving that up was like giving up cocaine in some ways.
Since I began seeing Doctor Wood I have been through many ups and downs with my health, mainly downs with a few glimpses of normal life. In November of 2010, I had to recieve another IV for my dropping Ferritin (5th one now) levels which we were hoping would aleviate my sleep issues. So far, it is still up and down with too many downs and many nights with little to no rest. If you have ever suffered from chronic sleep disorders, then you know how quickly your quality of life breaks down. That is where I am, but I am hopeful.
Hopeful
Hopeful in what? With all the suffering, why hope? God has me on a journey of transformation, one that rips the hope of this world from my flesh, leaving me with a gaping hole that can only be filled with and by Him. After 5 years of wrestling with God over this issue and ending up quite angry about it, I can say now that I am no longer angry or wrestling. I do not put my hope in anything of this world, but instead I put it in God’s will for me. Once this paradigm shift happens, the need for better understanding falls away. I can say with confidence, I look forward to the day that I meet Him face to face and that day can’t come soon enough, but my life is in in the palm of His hands, not mine. So, I wait and do what I can to share my story with others who suffer and struggle for understanding within that suffering.
Most suffering of this world makes no sense to us and we ask why. Only He knows why and only He has the big picture of what life holds for each of us. Our job is to see that sovereignty and surrender our expectations and simply abide in His presence. If you have The Hope of Glory living in your soul, you understand. If you do not, then this will sound ludicrous. Please know that I am not making this up, this is the truth and it is not relative. God loves each and every one of us regardless of our circumstances, appearance, sins or suffering and He awaits your invitation to let Him dwell in your heart. When you do, you will have The Hope of Glory and it will begin to take over the dark unknown that used to dwell there. Simply let Him in. Love will prevail!


